All Quiet on the Cold Front

I haven't posted much lately. That's probably because there's not much to say. I could do very insightful op-ed articles like Thom, except for the fact that I really don't have the passion for it. It's hard to get meaningful when your reservoirs of emotional energy are at drought levels. Right now, best I could manage would be sarcasm and the net has enough of that without me. Besides, Thom already does such a nice job of it, why gild the lily? (On the other hand, the news that my favorite brother is becoming a Seitanist is somewhat disturbing...)

February's just kind of *here*. I'm looking for work, but keeping it quiet in the hopes that Mom won't find out and try to help. Any siblings reading this, DO NOT TELL HER. My niece Angela comes home from her mission next week, it'll be interesting to see what's become of her as a person. Rumor has it that one of the former missionaries from her area intends to come up and visit her before the week is out. Maybe I'll have to take my bokken with me to the family gatherings (other than the airport) next week, to drub him thoroughly when he arrives. I never had much stomach for the kind of boys who flocked around Angela before her mission, and a guy who comes sniffing around a girl immediately after she returns from the Mormon Nun program deserves no respect in my book.

Random thought for the day: Is the decline in manners in modern society related to our growing unwillingness to destroy our enemies?

The Big Game - Finally!

Ladies and gents, it's finally arrived. Da Soup or Bowl game report can be found here! I could do post-game reports, MVP interviews, and all that, but I think I'd better see anyone's interested before I make any promises. Enjoy!

Soup or Bowl Interview: Da Skrattul See-Chucks

Once again we are subjected to the jazzy but meaningless intro for EPSN's "Carnage Preview With Lunk Murtaugh". The camera shows us the same cluttered set and the same over-groomed host, but this time he has two guest chairs. One of them is filled to the brink of destruction with a massive orc wearing a helmet that may or may not have been swiped from Sauron's closet. In spite of it's big scary iron impressiveness, the helmet is slightly too small for the orc, and only comes down to its nose. In the chair next to the orc is a two-headed goblin wearing a bandoleer of what look like dried frogs.

[Lunk] Hey there, viewing public! Once again we're bringing you the best in impending doom! For today's show we have the other half of the upcoming Soup of Bowl, Boss Saw-Hat of the Skrattul See-Chucks. Boss Saw-Hat, you're not only the owner of the See-Chucks, but you're also the manager, coach, and team captain as well, correct?

[Saw-Hat] Yah. We's an orcy team, we's don't pay guyz ta pick our noses for us. I's da boss of the See-Chucks and dat's dat.

[Lunk] So I see. And who's this with you?

[Saw-Hat] Dis is Twitchy. He new to da team, but he already worth 'is weight in frogz.

[Lunk] Oh really? How so?

[Saw-Hat] Today we play Da Hazzad Lizzuds. Great big game, good fight. We lose, but we got'em good. Anyway, we buys Twitchy in case we needs runty little guy to sacreefice to orcy godz, ya? But in da first half it turn out he better dan sacreefice. Middle of da Lizzud line is dis great big crocky-lizzud. My boyz is tough, but dey not tough like crocky-lizzud. Crocky-lizzud bashing away like nobuddy's bizniss, and there go Twitchy staring up at him like his eyeballs gonna pop out. Suddenly big crocky-lizzud is gone, and sitting there on da turf is this funny-looking frog. Well da boyz see dis frog and summa dem hungry, so they squish it good. Suddenly da ref blow da whistle. 'E says that frog is crocky-lizzud, and against da rules to eat it. Not against rules to turn crocky-lizzud into frog, though. Anyway, when froggie turn back into crocky-lizzud he all banged up and can't play, so da boyz think dat okay. So now Twitchy is da team shamun.

[Lunk] ::smiling as if to pretend he understood all that:: Well that's quite a story, Twitchy, but you do know that the use of magic in games is strictly regulated, right?

[Twitchy] ::nods both heads:: I read rules today. Rules very good, say I only do one spell each game and boss must pay me to do it. This very very good, most times us goblins get paid in not having arms and legs bit off. ::winces as See-Hat gives him an armor-plated glare:: But I not asks for any more than what rules say...

[Lunk] If you don't mind, Twitchy, isn't having two heads kind of unusual for a goblin?

[Twitchy] Oh, that happen because of some funny glowing mushrooms I found in the Nasty Black Swamp. They give me good magic, but soon after I get big lump on neck that turn into head.

[Lunk] Are you still eating those mushrooms? ::Twitchy shakes his heads:: So you could say that you decided to quite while you were a head?

[Twitchy] ::looks blankly at Lunk:: Got no more mushrooms, so no eat. Last one got took by Zorg.

[Lunk] And did he grow another head?

[Twitchy] ::shakes heads:: No, he just grow sharp pointy claws. He pretty happy about it.

::Saw-Hat growls menacingly, and Lunk turns back to him. [Lunk] So, Boss Saw-Hat, it wasn't very long ago that the See-Chucks were a tribe of border raiders, how did you decide to become footballers?

[Saw-Hat] It started when da Stinky Feet tribe tried to take our sheepz dat we rightfully stole from some humies. We beat da snot out of dem, and while we wuz getting drunk afterwud dey told us about this game thing where everybody pay you lotz of loot to beat up some other bunch where everyone could watch and get drunk instead of burning down dere town. So we go watch a game, and it look like good fun and lots more loot for less work, so we sign up. And now we getting paid lots'n'lotsa loot for playing in big funny soup game. We even get to beat up stunties, when we do dat for free before.

[Lunk] Well, we're all glad to hear you've been enjoying the season. Who do you think will win this weekend?

[Saw-Hat] Us boyz. Da stunties fight good, but we fight better. Plus they can't run for spit.

[Lunk] Well we'll all be watching eagerly. On behalf of the Extremely Pointless Sports Network, I'd like to thank you for being here today.

[Saw-Hat] No biggie. Dey give us loot for doing dis too.