Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Soup or Bowl Team Interview: The Picksburg Steel Lords

A very jazzy but more or less meaningless title graphic rolls for EPSN's "Carnage Preview With Lunk Murtaugh." The camera pans out over a very overdone studio set, with every wall literally plastered with unidentifiable sports memorabilia. At the center is seated a beefy fellow whose hair is probably fake and has the overall look of a gone-to-seed jock with a metrosexual makeover. For no obvious reason, a small wire antenna sticks up from behind his left ear. Next to him is a scowling dwarf in a business suit.

[Lunk] Hey there, bloodshed-I mean sports fans, I'm Lunk Murtaugh and this is "Carnage Preview". Every week we bring you the best of the best of sports violence to come, and this week we bring you an exclusive interview with Lognar Tightfist, owner of the Picksburg Steel Lords. Welcome to the show, Lognar!

[Lognar] ::grunt::

[Lunk] Today we'd like to talk about the upcoming Soup or Bowl tournament, between the Steel Lords and your long-standing rivals, the Skrattul See-Chucks. Are you looking forward to the big game? I know we are!

[Lognar] ::scowls and pulls out a small book, reading from it. A close-up shot reveals it to be "Arfang's Guide to Trash-Talking":: Let me clear it up for you. The See-Chucks are not our rivals. Rivalry implies that they are somewhere near our level of skill. They are not. Frankly, the only thing those orc dogs have going for them is that their heads are too empty to know when to quit.

[Lunk] ::blinks two or three times:: My, that's a strong statement. But isn't it true that the See-Chucks have had a better record so far in the season? Let's take a look at the numbers.

::a graphic flashes up on the screen of the two teams' stats::

Steel Lords ----------------- See-Chucks

vs. Ferret Kings - 1-3 Loss ----- vs. Kizuna Lions - 2-3 Loss
vs. Exquisite Dead Guys - 1-4 Loss ----- vs. Freyasheim Man Maulers - 2-3 Loss
vs. Black Hammers - 3-0 Win ----- vs. Oogie-Wa Wagga-Woos - 2-0 Win

[Lunk] Your win-loss ratios are exactly the same, but the See-Chucks have actually scored more touchdowns in the season so far and permitted fewer touchdowns against them. Which suggests that the See-Chucks are actually the better team here.

[Lognar] ::snort:: Let me tell you something about that last win of theirs, Lunk. The Oogie-Wa Wagga-Woos are probably the only team in the league that those jokers could beat. They're goblins, for Thor's sake, a pack of children with spitwads could take the Wagga-Woos. Let's see the See-Chucks take a real team like the Black Hammers or the Rowan Sharpshooters, then we'll talk.

[Lunk] ::cocks his head as if listening for something:: Well as we both know, your teams are scheduled to meet in the Soup or Bowl no matter what happens in the season - which, I might add, is not quite over yet. You both still have one game to play, correct?

[Lognar] That is true. I got a call from the league commissioner just today, we're scheduled to play the Vargalheld Vipers the day after tomorrow.

[Lunk] And how do you think that game will go?

[Lognar] It'll be quite the battle. The Vipers aren't the Breton Champions by any means, but they're still a tough bunch. Chaos teams always are. My boys are really looking forward to it. We'll bury their severed body parts under the playing field, of course, but it'll be a good match.

[Lunk] We'll be looking forward to it too, Lognar. In the meantime, what would you say is the Steel Lords' greatest strength?

[Lognar] Endurance. Sheer steel-plated endurance. You can hit a Steel Lord. You can chase him. You can throw everything you have against him. You cannot stop him. Even if you knock him down, he'll get right back up and walk over your body to the endzone.

[Lunk] That certainly sounds impressive. So tell me a little bit about these steel-plated wonders, Lognar. Is it true that your team captain is the prince of a major dwarven clanhold?

[Lognar] Yes. Jorgan of Iron Peak is the son of Foron the son of Goran the son of Orinor the son of Jorgan, which someday will make him the King of Iron Peak. But for now, he's building his warrior's reputation as the leader of the Steel Lords.

[Lunk] And how about the Granitecracker brothers?

[Lognar] They're cousins, actually. Durran and Morran are the focal points of our offensive line. They're tough, brave, and will take down anything standing in their path. The coach tells me that they've sent a letter to the See-chucks asking them to sign an ogre before the Bowl, so that they can kill it.

[Lunk] ::laugh:: Apparently no one told them that the See-Chucks can't read.

[Lognar] ::consults his trash-talk manual again:: They'll get the message when the Granitecrackers tear their defensive line to squishy green bits.

[Lunk] Well we're almost out of time, Lognar, it's been great having you with us. We wish you all the best luck in your game against the Vipers, and in the Soup or Bowl.

[Lognar] Hmph. Luck is for sissies and rooty-poo fronting bammers. ::finally puts the book away::

Monday, January 23, 2006

Da Big Game!

Coming February 5th, to a weblog exactly where you found this one...

Da Soup or Bowl!!!!!

Picksburg Steel Lords vs. Skrattul See-Chucks

at

Fjordfeld Stadium, Picksburg

Tickets for Game, Pre-Game Bash, and Post-Game Brawl on sale now from all the usual scalpers! Get them before they cost all four arms and legs!

Soup or Bowl XIVNWE....Lots & Lots sponsored by Grumble's Runty Soup and many other questionable companies

And What It All Boils Down To, My Friend

I'm still not sure what I think of the whole concept of blogging, but here's something that makes me snicker.

Shiny Link

And while we're being vaguely pointless, here's something else to crack a smile on anyone else who was playing video games in the early nineties...

Shinier Link

Anyhoo, other than that there's not much to say. It's Monday and I'm breathing air. Ooh.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Ahh! Miyazaki-sama!

Another attempt at a post. Earlier this month was the 65th birthday of Hayao Miyazaki, Japan's premiere director of animated films. In response, Turner Classic Movies has been doing a spotlight on him and his work every Thursday night. I've been watching and taping, last night Mom and I sat down and watched Porco Rosso and Whisper of the Heart. By the end of the stretch, both Mom and I were about ready to bow low to the floor and chant "Miyazaki-sama..." This is not the literal truth, but we both had a marvellous time. Mom actually stayed awake for the whole nearly four-hour stretch, something I thought impossible. She might actually wrestle me for the tape.

Miyazaki's films are difficult to explain, but just about every one I've seen makes me want to grab the animation studios in America and smack them across the back of the head while yelling "Whatsamattawitchoo?" in a bad Italian accent. It seems like every animated film that comes out anymore in this country is about two things - packing the screen with as much computer-generated stuff as possible, and making a lot of money. The story, if the script can be laughingly called one, is tertiary at best, and the 'art' of it is usually missing altogether. Disney, I'm pointing primarily at you. Bad mouse! Bad bad mouse!

In Miyazaki's work there is first and foremost a story, one that unfolds it its own pace. The characters may not always be complex or deeply explored, but you're usually left with the feeling that they're real people rather than stereotypes played for laughs. They may do silly things, but you're not usually laughing at them. It's a humor of empathy rather than scorn. The rest of it is art. I have heard it said that Miyazaki-sama has a deep-rooted antipathy toward computer animation, and if he's overcome it at all then he uses it sparingly at best. Every scene is hand-drawn with patience and love, with an eye for beauty, and every so often he lets the movie relax for a moment so people can take a look. A quiet moment looking at a sunrise, an aerial view of a strange world, a moment of wonder rather than just another "wow, there's so much stuff here" two-second blip before the next action sequence.

I also like Miyazaki's tendency toward strong female characters. They're true strong females rather than feminists, they're doing what they do for reasons that make sense to them rather than out of a blind quest to 'prove themselves as good as any man'. The heroine in Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind struggles to understand what has become of her world and to protect her people against the ravages of war. In Spirited Away, the girl is simply trying to free her parents. They don't need to put down men to build themselves up, and they're not above accepting male assistance (or help from anyone else who can render it) when it's needed.

Anyway, that's my Miyazaki geek-out. As for myself, I'm spending my time trying to relax and recharge my spiritual batteries, not an easy task around Mom and Dad. Though I don't have any novelistic ambitions like Thom, I am trying to pick up writing again. It's been a while since I really sunk my teeth into a story rather than picked at it, but it's something that makes me feel really good when I can get it to work. I'm not looking for work yet, but that doesn't stop Mom from trying to look for me. Dad continues to drive us both up the wall with his geneology obsession. Supposedly he finished it years ago, but now he constantly goes over the records on the internet, checking to see if the temple work for all these dead people has been done. I doubt that he'll ever consider this project to be truly 'done', I suspect that he feels like his life will be worthless if he doesn't do this one (moronic) thing... Feh. If he wants to make that his tombstone, I guess that's his business.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

It's Over!!!

The buyer paid up today, and got everything moved out of the shop. We didn't get anywhere near what all those things were worth and even he admitted that, but at least now it's fricking OVER. There's still bills to pay and utilities to notify and shut off, but the scary part is done with, and now maybe I can freaking RELAX! At least as much as I ever do...

Anyhoo. Making chex mix and watching movies tonight. Or vice versa.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Ooh! Shiny Toy!

First the general news... We have a buyer for the shop gear, and hopefully this one won't back out. We should know by Monday or so whether it's a done deal. Fortunately the landlady has given us an extra week to get squared away and out of there.

Next, the creative news. Yesterday I got my copy of the Serenity RPG. It'd be the Firefly RPG, except that one company owns the rights to the tv series and another owns the rights to the movie. Frankly, if there were any sense in the world the rights to both would belong to Joss Whedon, but this is America, the Land of Microscopic Contract Fonts. Upshot of it is that while the gamebook is officially based on just the movie, the other universe details are slipped in as long as there's no blatant copyright violations (no mention of episode titles, no theme song lyrics, no stills from the series, etc). It works, though it raises the irony value considerably.

The system seems pretty functional, though it seems based more around group storytelling than gung-ho hackenslash gaming. Considering the basis for it all, that's a good thing. For yet another gun drama, we'd watch John Woo instead of Firefly. The rules seem straightforward enough for a newbie to pick up at their core, but on some of the finer points it seems like the author was either rushing through or operating on a 'does it really matter' basis. Rather than give you a comprehensive list of weapons, they give you the basic model of each kind and then rules for spiffing them up as you like. You're given a handful of sample ships and then rules to make your own. Before you buy your character's attributes, you buy their quirks and flaws, so they start off being distinctive.

Anyhoo, it looks like it'll be a blast to play. Me being me, I'm already creating sample characters and scheming up stories. Maybe I'll even write one some day. If only I still had a gaming group...