Death by Uncertainty

Dad's not doing well at all. In case someone outside my family actually reads this thing I won't go into detail, but his mental clarity is really hit and miss lately. The gorram doctors haven't had any success in figuring out what's going on, their discoveries so far have been that his heart's not so bad, his liver's not so bad, and his gall bladder is fine. What then, praytell, was causing all the gorram excitement a few weeks back when he was in the fragging HOSPITAL? He's been physically sick as well, and when he is more or less clear his overall attitude makes me wonder if he wants to stay alive anymore. Frankly, if he doesn't then I don't blame him. Sleeping in his chair, reading in his chair, not strong enough to really go anywhere or do anything, that's no life for a man, especially a man like him. For all his faults, he's always been a man who took pride in doing things for people. If I were in his position I'd lose my will to live quickly.

The rest of my family believes in a loving God who takes care of his own. Frankly, I want to scream at him. It's not right to do this kind of thing to a good man. One way or the other, my father deserves better than this. If you're any kind of a Heavenly Father, you snivelling sack of celestial hypocrisy, then either give us back the person we know and love, or take him so all our wounds can heal. Don't do this to a man who deserves the love we have for him.

Then again Dad may be fine again tomorrow. That's what really grinds us down, the uncertainty of what shape he'll be in from one hour to the next. His condition is so inconsistent and so incomprehensible, we never know what to believe. Every visit to the doctors, the answers change and they never fit the questions. It's constantly wearing on us, and I can even see Mom show signs of stress (from a woman who's always conducted herself as the Immoveable Object of Righteous Invulnerability that means a lot). And yeah, I'm a mess too. Been one for the better part of a year now. The new job's still in a sort of limbo, right now the restaurant's still in the prototype stages but supposedly next week we'll open our doors and begin the shakedown period. All I can say is that my very light schedule (two hours a day five days a week) is probably for the best for now. With all the uncertainty and stress that I'm in the front lines of, I doubt I could handle more.

Kinda makes me wish I believed in benevolent deities.

Carmine "The Beans" Pasquale meets Ron "The Chips" Stratton

Sha na na naah, sha na na na na got a job!!

There's a coffee shop/trendy little eatery opening next week across from the post office, and I'm hired. I'm putting in a couple hours a day, five days a week, but it's a job and if I like it there and the feeling's mutual, I can always see about more hours later. Right now, I'm just happy to have a job where I'm going to be working for a person rather than a corporation. Even better, it doesn't interfere with the farmer's market or either of my cooking classes. Monday and Tuesday we get trained, and Wednesday we open. The Grand Opening will be a couple weeks later, after we have our shakedown. The boss, Miss Ferguson, says this is her first time running a restaurant, but from the looks of things she's either run some other kind of business, or gotten a lot of very good advice. It's certainly going to be interesting.